I have the dreams at nightSo in the daytime I bump the corners of exhaustion Sinking disappointment is a gutted feeling & I am guilty as I look at my life and I know I’m far from perfect but still I blame you for hating myself I think it’s because you made me reach orgasms like I never had imagined before? Or is it because I became your slave? and now I hate you for taking my sex away You belittled my devoted worship as I gave you what you wanted upon demand I got down on my knees and was eager to please whenever you called and along with whoever you brought I never thought your wishes unreasonable when I was subservient and pleasing your needs All I ever asked… all I wanted… was simple by comparison I only wanted you to put your arms around me and hold me And Say ‘I love you’ to me (And mean it) I wanted to make love not just fuck the pain away Like when skies turn purple in cosmic energy of passion. I wanted infatuation to be so strong that Mountains would rumble And seas would glow from its awesome force I wanted to feel like the ground might crack beneath
me as I find a connection with such pure intensity and profound sexual chemistry I wanted you to accompany me lay naked beside me when heaven gleams its light upon our skin we feel the heat of climax from deep within The most sensitive erogenous secrets of sin My Inner Thigh quivers awaiting the touch that will make me burst Bodies ignite desires Thirst Ecstasy Soul Fires Sweat and steam rising from our flesh I drink of you You bathe me We crave these moments we are Breathless our Hearts thump Heads spin Hands shake Stomach trembles Legs tingle We laugh together At our Toes That curl Until morning (I think we both came at exactly the same time) This feels just right but more than that – this is perfect) So I wonder… Maybe … When I created you last night inside my mind & masturbated to relax forget my secret fears & unwind… Did God heard me scream in orgasms? & if so,then what did He think of me when He witnessed my insatiable lust for my Immoral Imagination causing great arousal and strong desire for sex (within my own mind) with the only person I trust - me - and sometimes I can’t even count on me so I start to feel self-conscious for a moment… sorta like an uncomfortable embarrassment Then I notice the humiliation I feel And it turns me on I begin to get damp in the panties I don’t wear & I touch myself softly & I wonder “Is my pleasure the work of Satan & my idle hand?” oh yes, touch me right there… It seems like I want it more each time & the more times I want it I want more More than just my fingers tickling my clitoral hood I feel it tingling more & i ponder should I want more than my own hands? I contemplate it & I surmise that I do want more in fact i want it all if I can find the right man (or woman) Lets face it - I just want SEX I want hard Deep Rough SEX Dirty Sweaty Loud Orgasmic Wholly creative crazy SEX With Bondage whips & Studded paddles I’ll gladly wear a bit gag & bridle or a rubber ball in my mouth with Chains & No more chastity belts but human cages equipped with pulley chains & Velcro on felt Leather restraints Full covered hooded masks Yeah – KINKY HARDCORE PRIMAL SINFUL SEX With a spanking bench at a gentleman’s club I’ll get down on my knees but won’t you take the time to tie me up, please? I admit I’m into the domination of master & slavery (Dear God, who is gonna save me now??) My therapist didn’t say it, but I think I’m a nymphomaniac (with a fetish) …If I went to meetings I’d probably sleep with my sponsor ‘cuz you know he’s a freak like me! I think if God had stopped by to visit me I’d know why I crave restraints, But with so many times I screamed ‘Oh God’ in my past… I ’d think he would’ve been here by now, but then again… what about the times that I actually prayed? hrmmm… Maybe He did come to see me but I was masturbating in the shower… so He left. If He had stayed a little longer until I was finished –we could’ve talked it out or if He had answered at least one or two prayers… maybe more … maybe then I wouldn’t feel like such a whore… Next time you see Him could you remind Him I’m here…? Then I wouldn’t crave a dungeon in my basement with stocks and a sawhorse … & I wouldn’t dream of afternoon floggings… or being hung in gravity boots welded inverted attached to the rafters at the top of the stairs I’d not imagine myself not as a human toy or a prize at the people petting zoo Oh God don’t stop - won’t you Pet me too? NOW I begin to wonder if God even answers the Confessional prayers of a nymphomaniac at all…? Doesn’t he realize nymphomaniacs are people too? Now I’ll ask him again and this time maybe He will see… Dear God look here – it’s me – I’m Praying now please – hear what I say, God, I pray for everything in my life that SEX replaced and I pray to get IT ALL back What SEX took away & I pray to know every question in my soul that SEX answered & For every time I used SEX to hide from the hurt that SEX made better please heal the broken pieces of me that I thought SEX could fix I am shattered inside & I don’t know where I am except when I’m FUCKING & FUCKing is not FUCKING working anymore… Listen God it’s just you and me now… do ya feel me? c’mon and help a Nympho out God Please don’t tease me renovate me God just redecorate me God, damn it put me back into working order please, can you do just one things for me? Peel the layers of my life apart & insert your wisdom to soothe me … ease my pain – you can do that right? Sorry if I have doubt…… I’ll use your protection if you’ll give me safe haven I need tranquility & for Gods’ sake help me just keep the outsiders down? I need released so I can believe that SEX can feel good even when I’m not bound. Maybe then I’ll find someone ELSE to touch me & I’ll want SEX for no other reason than just because I want SEX really want SEX Dear God, I pray just once To know that SEX isn’t why I got a good deal on my car to believe that the hope for SEX isn’t why my friends stay near. I can walk a block down the road without SEX whistling from the men who watch me go by and want SEX & I pray that its not SEX in the back of the mind of the next man I meet because I know what it means. I pray to never have the SEX I don’t want to have ya know, the SEX a man expects because its easier to consent if it makes the man go away I pray for everything that used to be before SEX happened to me & before I learned how SEX took my pain away but in the end I found out it was the SEX that made the pain so I prayed the SEX would go away I hate SEX I love SEX I want SEX I need SEX Dear God I Pray for a LIFE With (or without?) SEX a life with Peace Happiness & Love & just enough (but not too much) SEX Oh God now I’m horny
