Even where I stand today I fall.
I crumble to lay at your feet, curled in a ball, melting into the pitted floors of my stubborn reflection.
i am broken in the mirrors. broken.
i remain strong as its all i can do.
i fight each day against myself much more than you.
I am with me, you are not… you have hidden from responsibility of seeing what i will become – when i am gone.
forever.
take for granted my dependence as a child inside.
take for granted the furor in which i grasp at you when i should listen to God and fly.
You were my captive and I knelt as your enduring slave, wanton desires wanting us to play. i enjoyed every bit of it. then the fists flew and my sense of security knew it was never going to find itself a home with you.
i cried until my green eyes turned pale blue, draining my soul of emotions on the streets i turned as cold as i could to survive what i had to do. prison opened my eyes to the lies and now i’m back up on my own and sure enough left all alone.
i’ve felt the inner touch of a demons hand, and it made me shiver with goosebumps and anticipation — i developed my methods of coping inside a moment of masturbation.
I tore out the heart of my child whose dying where my children and she used to play.
Then passing with my father was the remainder of my love -it was ALL buried in May.
I dream of digging inside the same grave, laying my arm across the only love unconditional her life ever made.
Going to the forever sleep there in the same place he lays.
Instead i walk alone and afraid, and God cant convince me i’ll see him again after all this is over & i get out of this maze.
Addictions are the least of my worries, my enemies are disguised as my friends.
hating and cravings are the status quo of a carpe diem.
A woman stalled by the libido of dangerous men. they call it romance, she calls it sin – either way its good, she says, when you put it in.
